Always, Kate
by Gaga Pomodoro
Summary: Let's us hear now from Kate. (I don't own these characters) :)


Dear Rick,

How do I start this? How do I even start telling you how my life became when you started jerking around? You know me well and I love you, so I bet you need to pay attention to this, because whatever I'm going to say here is a matter of you being just everything to me now.

I came to your book party as a detective that has a murder to solve that unwillingly involved a famous author. Well I was just doing my job, the usual thing, to interrogate people that maybe of help to the thing I do for living, but I didn't know an inspiration suddenly hit you then. And that, you decided to stick around with me to check out what I do as a detective. You know what? I was really, totally, undeniably annoyed with what you just did, and I got nothing to stop you and so unfortunate that you even got the mayor to put yourself into this, but I do love getting annoyed in some ways and that, I rarely tell anyone about it.

When you were trying to steal a chance to stare at my eyes, which you complimented for being gorgeous, I really knew that it was just a part of your menacing. All just a part of it and you're bothered by your curiosity about how could such smart looking woman fit in to this kind of job instead of becoming someone in the society that would define exactly how she seems. But of course you're a novelist, how could you miss stumbling upon those little things? Silly me.

When I opposed your theory, I believe you knew at that moment that I can't make your theory refutable. It's obvious! The way I just stared back at you as you explain your side, it was enough to prove that I was being a big fat liar. I'm sorry for that, because I just really want to keep that reason to myself. To keep my life unrevealed as much as possible and simple just the way it is since I was a child.

That time when I knew that you were trying to dig up my mother's case, all I wanted to do is to shoot you. If only you knew how much it kills me when it reminds me that my mother's murder still remains frozen, unsolved and then someone from nowhere would just jump in the midst of it, jumbles it, and leaves it like a jigsaw puzzle that I have to put back together again. I was just afraid that it would end up that way. As days passed by, my blindness from knowing who you really are is starting to fade. You weren't the person I knew before. My definition of you was kind of a repugnancy in the end, but I still counted on the chances of knowing you better.

I was really getting into this relationship that we unknowingly are building up already, but things, and most especially the people get in our way.

There was this day that kinda shocked me. That was when you told me that it might be the last case that I'll be working on with you. I did not really know the reason until Esposito told me. I don't know who to blame or how to even keep up with you, but why would you think of ending up with me just because of Demming? You should have thought of some way that might just get me back to you! But this time we're now together, I'm so sorry, I will try my best to keep up with you.

Going back to it, I actually broke up with him before you left the precinct for summer, and I did that to save the relationship we have, because it's not worth wasting just like that and I thought too how would you end up Nikki Heat without even seeing the personality of the real Nikki Heat? Can you live with that? But it just broke me, because I was too late to be a hero for us, you already have Gina with you for summer in the Hamptons, and you won't see me in bikinis, but I thought there's still a possible way to get in touch with you, so I proposed of seeing you in fall. Thank God you're too kind too agree. After that, all what's left to me of you is that you're true, kind. thoughtful, and yes, ruggedly handsome. You're that kind of man so far.

It was fall already, and there's been a murder around town and the body was found hanging on a bookstore's canopy. When I looked through its window, guess what I saw. It's you, a picture of you printed on a wooden board with an announcement that you'll be having a book signing there. Lanie and the boys saw too and knew that I haven't gotten anything from you, even a sign. We got an address of another vic, and we checked on it. And there, I found you… I found you in the victim's place, holding a gun. I finally found you after a long term absence, I finally found you when I was already longing for the promise of yours to see me in the fall to come true, but do I deserve seeing you once again this way? I have to press you a charge for murder? It's so funny that you always come to me in a very bad way, but maybe a bit of understanding should be given to you, and luckily it worked, I worked on it to prove to ourselves that you did not murder Maya Santori. Good thing your alibi checked out and saved you from entering the cold cell of 12th Precinct. Before I interrogated your ass off, I complimented about how you looked, right? I meant it to be honest, I just have to follow it with something that will kinda break it down just to keep you thinking that I'm still the same crappy Kate Beckett you knew, but I did mean it. I really wanted to kiss you after solving the case, because of course, you're back and still the same RICHARD CASTLE I knew.

By the way, you're not just Richard Castle, your given name is actually Richard Alexander Rodgers! I looked like a genius who's losing sanity just to prove that your theory about coincidence is purely refutable, but I guess Penny was really right about the Alexander who is gonna be so important to me and will be saving me someday. What a coincidence though! Well you did try saving me from getting shot, but you succeeded in saving me from drowning brought by my mother's murder. You thawed me out from being so naïve and showed me what life really has there for me. You're an ice breaker, and that ice has been a burden to a person from knowing her worth in this world and to others.

When we were both freezing our souls off in that giant freezer with Jamal Alhabi, I didn't get to tell you some words, because they froze as my body froze too, but sadly they stayed frozen for years and I still don't know why I let them that way, I mean did I just do that to keep my image of being brave and steady and prove you that I'm still the Kate Beckett who doesn't know how to live life? I don't know but all I can tell you now is I love you and I have changed.

You knew I lied to you about that incident at Montgomery's burial, when you tried to save me from a sniper and that "I love you" of yours. Thank you for understanding me, my innocence, and also for stopping me from being such a wimp, and also for always having my back at worst times, now I owe it all to you! Why do you just love me so much huh?

And I've never seen, met, or had a man who would really show right before me that he'd be risking his life for me just like you Rick! Are you an angel? You just really work on everything for my own good. You even thought of helping me overcome my fear of that shot I got from a sniper, of course through my bro Esposito. But all of this nearly ended falling when I learned about you working with Michael Smith on things that can lead me to my mother's killer, but still I tried to open my mind and realized that in the end, you still come to save me, because maybe losing me is just so hard for you to take or even to think about. Well I just can't take losing you either, but facing the truth that we can't avoid death, I'd rather die in bed with you, holding each other's hands just like Noah and Allie! I like it more that way.

I love you Rick! I love you! I love you! I love you!

Always,

Kate


End file.
